Ordering for the Table: Leadership as an Invitation, Not a Requirement
Back when I was a young management consultant flying out to client sites every week, the days were long and the nights were unpredictable. Most evenings we grabbed whatever we could, usually alone, in a hotel room, or from some airport spot that was barely open.
But every Wednesday, the partner on our project would make time for a team dinner — no matter how packed the day was.
He had a routine. Every time, he’d say something like:
“I’m gonna order a few apps for the table, a couple bottles of wine, and dessert. You’re free to order what you want, and you don’t have to eat what I order.”
The first time the team was together, very little of the dessert and wine was consumed. The partner on the project would pay the bill and we’d all go our separate ways to our respective hotels until work the next day.
The next week he says, “I’m gonna order a few apps for the table, a couple bottles of wine, and dessert. You’re free to order what you want, and you don’t have to eat what I order.”
This time, while there was still some hesitance, less people felt hesitant to eat the food or drink the wine, and if a new consultant joined the team later, he’d always repeat the same line. Each week, the order was there, the option to join in and participate was offered.
It was never really about the food. It was about what it represented. It was about bringing the team together.
That simple gesture created freedom — the kind that lets people breathe a little, try something new, or just feel comfortable being part of the group without pressure or judgment.
What Happens When People Break Bread Together
Those dinners became more than a break from the grind. They turned into moments of real connection.
We told stories — everything from funny client disasters to moments that humbled us. We shared what we learned, what we screwed up, and how we grew.
We laughed, we vented, we cheered each other on and we supported each other.
No slides. No status updates. No titles.
Just people being people.
And honestly? I probably learned more about leadership, trust, and team culture at those dinners than I ever did in a training room.
Don’t Miss the Real Leadership Move
That partner wasn’t just being generous. He was being intentional.
He made room — literally and emotionally — for everyone.
There was no pressure to fit in, no expectation to show up a certain way. You were just... invited.
He wasn’t leading with power. He was leading with presence.
And in that space, trust happened — not because it was required, but because it was earned. Not through authority, but through real human moments that made the team stronger.
The best part in my opinion? None of this would make it to that leader’s “scorecard”. The clients didn’t witness it. The Senior Partners of the firm didn’t see this happen. This was a leader and his team on this one project.
Don’t Script It. Set the Table.
The best leaders don’t force connection. They make space for it.
You don’t build culture by telling people to bond.
You build it by creating the kind of atmosphere where people feel seen, heard, and safe — where they can relax and be themselves.
And when that happens?
People open up.
They take ownership.
They support one another.
All because someone cared enough to order something “for the table.” That’s the kind of leader that people remember. Not just for what they did, but for how they made others feel when no one else was watching.
Final Thought
We overcomplicate leadership all the time. We sometimes cram it into frameworks and dashboards and scorecards and big speeches.
But sometimes leadership is quiet. Simple. Human.
Like saying:
“Hey, I ordered this for the table. You don’t have to take any. I just want you to know it’s here for you.”
That’s leadership that sticks with people.
That’s nourishment that lasts.
#LeadershipAtTheTable #Inclusion #TeamTrust #BreakingBreadTogether #LeadWithPresence #PsychologicalSafety #FEEDLeadership