A Pinch of Salt: Balancing Kindness with Honest Feedback

There’s a saying in the kitchen: “Just add a pinch of salt.” Not too much. Not too little. Just enough to wake up the flavor.

Too much will overpower a dish and too little, well that’s just bland.

The same holds true in leadership. Especially when it comes to feedback.

I am driven by direct, honest and sometimes brutally honest feedback. My wife and my kids are experts in delivering this kind of feedback to me: real, honest, in the moment and filled with care.

It wasn’t always like that.

The Lesson I Didn’t See Coming

Early in my career, I was working on a massive consulting project. The kind of project that would deliver truly transformational results to our client. The kind that could make or break a career. I had given it my all, late nights, long flights, and every ounce of energy I could bring.

I saw everything on that project. It helped me realize that there were so many levels to leadership. Picture this:

It’s midnight on a Monday night. The entire project team (over 100 people) are still on site working. The partner on my portion of the project was providing an update to one of the senior partners. This was typical, albeit much earlier in the day.

What no one expected was this. The Senior Partner on the project, in front of the entire team, criticized the update, blamed our partner for the delays, and said very loudly and clearly, “You’re ruining the project!”

No one on our team knew that our partner was going to be given direct, honest, brutal feedback IN PUBLIC. I remember asking another consultant, “Is this normal?”

It wasn’t, but I still have that moment etched in my brain.

“I hope that never happens to me!” I remember saying within my small group, which included my manager and team.

Having a very public shaming experience like that was certainly something I did not want. I did want feedback, but my expectation was that it would be delivered privately.

As the project began to wind down a few months later, I had a chance to speak with my manager. He praised my work, thanked me for the effort, and told me how valuable I’d been to the team.

He even called out areas that he’d seen me improve in…areas that I didn’t even know I needed to improve in. Areas that we never discussed.

I walked away feeling good, feeling like I did my part to help move the project along, thankful that there was no public chastisement… that is until the ratings came in.

I was stunned! No, I was furious. Blindsided!

A lower than expected rating. No warning. No explanation. Just numbers that didn’t match the words. Worse, the rating had real consequences, financial ones. It impacted my bonus, my standing, and my confidence.

I asked for clarity. I asked why. And the answer was as simple as it was frustrating: He didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

That Was the Moment Everything Changed

I never wanted that feeling again, of being blindsided, of not knowing where I stood. So I made a choice: I began to crave feedback. Even the hard stuff. Especially the hard stuff.

I asked more questions. I requested regular check-ins. I listened closely, even when it stung. I learned that feedback, real, honest, constructive feedback, is a gift. It’s not just about critique. It’s about fuel. Fuel for growth. Fuel for clarity. Fuel for trust.

In that particular project experience, I must have given a signal that direct and honest feedback was something I didn’t want.

But, that moment still shapes how I lead today. As a senior talent executive, I don’t just welcome feedback, I model it, seek it, and build cultures where candor and care can coexist.

Why Leaders Sometimes Hold the Salt

Giving feedback isn’t easy, and some leaders struggle with how to offer it well.

Some soften the message to preserve morale.

Others keep it high-level, hoping to avoid discomfort.

And sometimes, feedback is saved for the annual review or left unsaid entirely.

But here’s what I’ve learned: most people don’t want perfection, they want perspective.

They don’t want fluff, they want clarity.

They’re open to hearing the truth, especially when it’s delivered with care, consistency, and the intent to help them grow.

Fueling With Feedback

In the FEED model, FUEL is about how we energize our teams. And feedback is one of the most powerful fuels we have.

Not flattery. Not avoidance. But constructive feedback, given consistently, respectfully, and with the intent to help someone get better.

It’s the difference between leaving someone stuck in a blind spot… Or helping them level up with confidence and clarity.

And just like any good dish, it’s that small, intentional seasoning that makes the whole thing work.

Try This Exercise

Next time you hesitate to give someone critical feedback, ask yourself:

• What’s the truth I need to share?

• What’s my intention? Am I helping them grow or protecting my own discomfort?

• How can I deliver this with both honesty and empathy?

Then offer it. With grace. With courage. And just the right pinch of salt.

The Real Question

If feedback is fuel, are you feeding your team empty calories? Or are you giving them the seasoning they need to grow?

Don’t let your team be surprised by what they didn’t hear. Be the leader who tells the truth, with care, with clarity, and with love.

Because growth starts with trust. And trust is built one honest conversation at a time.